I imagine if my blog could speak it would say something like this:
It's been a long time...How have you been?
I've been busy being dead.
You know....
After you murdered me!
~GLaDOS
Murder seems to be the only appropriate word too. After all, this blog has been by all indications and for all intents and purposes, dead. Jason's blog dates the last update as 6 months ago. That's half a year.
This post has been hard in the writing because needless to say, a lot has happened since then. On the whole? I am displeased with most of what has transpired in the intervening months, although I am somewhat satisfied with the resolution. 2010 featured some of the sweetest (Slash concert!) and bitterest experiences I have had thus far. Some of them so sweet at first, now so bitter in retrospect (not the concert though, that's one untainted memory). I learned more about myself that year than at any other stage in my life- had a good look in the metaphorical mirror, if you like. And I liked not what I saw.
It felt like cresting a peak only to look down and see the plunging depths of the valley below and the mountains beyond that I must climb. It's painful now to look back not so long ago and see how I used to laugh about certain things in life that I was sure would never happen to me. Maybe someday it'll seem funny, and I'll be able to laugh about it and this post, but I can't now. Time was when I'd laugh about people going on and on about their woes on their blogs too, but that time is past, like so many other things.
Poor Weng Yee, who only wanted something interesting to read, but instead prompted a completely emo-fied introspective essay.
This is perhaps the most honest post that's been written on this blog so far, and I thought that it might be fitting too, as an indication (hopefully) of things to come ere 2011 is gone too. On a related and somewhat less depressing note: the resolution. 2010 ended better than I could have expected. The reason for that, as some of you may well know, is Youth Quake 2010. I have said it before: that I could say YQ 2010 was awesome, but instead decided that:
This post has been hard in the writing because needless to say, a lot has happened since then. On the whole? I am displeased with most of what has transpired in the intervening months, although I am somewhat satisfied with the resolution. 2010 featured some of the sweetest (Slash concert!) and bitterest experiences I have had thus far. Some of them so sweet at first, now so bitter in retrospect (not the concert though, that's one untainted memory). I learned more about myself that year than at any other stage in my life- had a good look in the metaphorical mirror, if you like. And I liked not what I saw.
It felt like cresting a peak only to look down and see the plunging depths of the valley below and the mountains beyond that I must climb. It's painful now to look back not so long ago and see how I used to laugh about certain things in life that I was sure would never happen to me. Maybe someday it'll seem funny, and I'll be able to laugh about it and this post, but I can't now. Time was when I'd laugh about people going on and on about their woes on their blogs too, but that time is past, like so many other things.
Poor Weng Yee, who only wanted something interesting to read, but instead prompted a completely emo-fied introspective essay.
This is perhaps the most honest post that's been written on this blog so far, and I thought that it might be fitting too, as an indication (hopefully) of things to come ere 2011 is gone too. On a related and somewhat less depressing note: the resolution. 2010 ended better than I could have expected. The reason for that, as some of you may well know, is Youth Quake 2010. I have said it before: that I could say YQ 2010 was awesome, but instead decided that:
GOD IS AWESOME
Indeed, my God is an awesome God and deserving of far more praise than bold green font can express. For all the failures, inadequacies and weaknesses I've seen in me, it gives me hope to know that not even one as far gone as I am beyond his power to save, redeem and make anew. For 'tis said that His power is made perfect in our weakness. And what weakness too. It leaves me beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is not something within my capability to resolve on my own.
Drink from the river that flows before His throne...
So as much as I cherish some of the better memories of the past year (concert again) I never took anything from it beyond simple remembrance. But I did take a part of what went on in camp back home, and it's not a part I intend to lose.
All in all, I've had to make many decisions twixt this post and the last. Some of them I regret, some I am glad for; others I'm still not sure about. One thing I will never regret though, and will ever be glad of, is God in my life. I am many things, student, a lover of literature, etc... but proudest of all is to say I am a Christian. To my shame (you have no idea) not a very good one at times- worse even, I mean, than I have a right to be as a fallen human. I am, and suspect many times hence will be, ashamed of myself, but never of Christ.
To all whom I have failed, wronged and done evil by, forgive me. I say this of course, not just to everyone, but most of all to Him by whom I have failed the most, wronged the most and done evil by the most. I do want you to know something however. He knows of course, but for your benefit I'll type it out, and as I hope to gain your pardon and be a more worthy friend, brother, son, student, and disciple, be assured:
All in all, I've had to make many decisions twixt this post and the last. Some of them I regret, some I am glad for; others I'm still not sure about. One thing I will never regret though, and will ever be glad of, is God in my life. I am many things, student, a lover of literature, etc... but proudest of all is to say I am a Christian. To my shame (you have no idea) not a very good one at times- worse even, I mean, than I have a right to be as a fallen human. I am, and suspect many times hence will be, ashamed of myself, but never of Christ.
To all whom I have failed, wronged and done evil by, forgive me. I say this of course, not just to everyone, but most of all to Him by whom I have failed the most, wronged the most and done evil by the most. I do want you to know something however. He knows of course, but for your benefit I'll type it out, and as I hope to gain your pardon and be a more worthy friend, brother, son, student, and disciple, be assured:
I'm working on it.....
No comments:
Post a Comment